Dark of The Moon

These stupid hormones.

All I can do is… give in.

~Hiwatari Seishirou

 I really hate myself. Why does it have to be her? Of all persons? I’m not crazy! But… I… do… love her.

I think I won’t be this confused if only I don’t love her. What will people say about me if they know? And… what face will she make if she knows?

I can imagine. If I tell her I love her, she will smile and tell me she loves me too.

That’s what I don’t want to hear the most.

If I were to hear that, I would not be able to control myself. I would claim her lips. Her neck. Her breasts. Her hands. Her legs. All of her.

Just how many times have I dreamt about that? And finding her laughing because she thought I peed while I slept?

She would be hurt. She would be scared of me. She would hate me. She would not believe me anymore…

I absolutely can’t let that happen. I love her too much.

She’s like a sun to me. I need her to live. Without her, I’m just the moon who can’t shine on my own.

If only I could have stopped this stupid hormones from expressing themselves.

If only she didn’t bring her friends back then.

If only her friend didn’t ask me to do her.

If only I didn’t comply back then.

I would not fall to this abyss.